It's all going to hell: it's just something else to let go of

Things are challenging atm. This bit of the road is bumpy. I'll summarise.

I have a current case against the company I used to work for as they made me redundant whilst I was on maternity without any notice and I only found out via my colleagues Facebook update. It's been going since August and its been a struggle and very unprofessionally handled. The date for the tribunal is end of Feb, but I found out a few days ago that the three companies in the consortium I worked in have gone into liquidation and insolvency. This means even if I win the case I may not get anything if there is nothing left.

The one company who I was on their payroll for my maternity pay has gone.into.insolvency so I have not got any maternity pay this month and I don't know if I'm going to get anything for this or next month.

Boxing day was spent with my parents watching my old school plays.which really embarrass me and also brought up.loads of bad memories of my being bullied. Also, I discovered that my parents, who have been spending like the clappers recently and for a good while beforehand and said it was their savings, had huge amounts of savings, 35k of them from my.grandmothers death 8 years ago which they did not.tell.me about, share with me or offer me a penny when times were hard for us, especially now.

So yeah, this bit of the ride is very bumpy.

Bill hicks, my favorite comedian, said this, n.it's my most loved quote ever:

It's Just A Ride

It's Just A Ride

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride..."

...It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."

-- The Late Bill Hicks, Comedian

Ajhan Chah said, in Jack Kornfields 'After the Ecstasy, the Laundry':

"Its just something else to let go of."

I meditated on this tonight and as clear as day I heard my.teacher Pagpa's bells he used to cleanse the ritual rooms which helps the inferno of my mind just clear suddenly.tonight. he told.me.to just let it all go into the river as it will all come back, just give it all to the river n let it go...